When Your Love Walks Out
By Dr. Harold Sala
Guidelines For Living
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Do all singles wish they were married? No, not any more than all married folks wish they were single. Some of the most frustrated, angry, and bitter individuals I have ever met are those who wanted to marry, but never did. I’m thinking in particular of some individuals who went outside of God’s plan for sexual purity, lived with someone, but ended up alone and with a broken heart.
At the same time, it is often confusing and difficult for those who have lived with a mate for years to come to grips with the loneliness and isolation they didn’t expect when they lost their mate. I’m thinking of a friend whose husband was killed in a strange set of circumstances. She wrote, “Something of me died when the one who had been a part of me for so many years was taken away.”
But by far the most hurting and confused singles are not those whose spouses were taken from them in death. Rather they are the army of those whose mates walked out on them, preferring the company of someone else. After ten, twenty, or even more years, one day, often unexpectedly, someone announced, “I want out; You’re not meeting my needs and I don’t love you anymore.” And when that happens no matter how much the one hearing these words may love the other, or how much he or she may love God, the person becomes a victim who finds himself or herself single again. They are the ones who have to live with the living dead.
Those in that number who have children, may struggle with guilt, thinking, “Surely I did something wrong to deserve this.” They wax between anger and frustration trying to be both mom and dad, which is an impossibility.
There are three basic choices which confront individuals such as this:
Choice #1: Live in a world of broken pieces laced with bitterness and animosity. The single parent who would very much have liked to have a partner in raising the family at times is bound to feel sorry for himself or herself. You may struggle with God, wondering why He allowed this when you “did your part.” But the world of bitterness never provides an answer.
Choice #2: You can throw yourself into a relationship which might bring temporary companionship but is totally outside of God’s plan and can be devastating to your children. Living with somebody to whom you are not married is loaded with enough insecurities apart from the added hassle of your child’s saying, “You’re not my dad! I don’t have to do what you say.” Yes, you are the one left to deal with your children’s emotions as well as your own.
Choice #3: Reach out for God’s help and begin to build bridges and put your life together again. Listen to the words of a parent who did. She wrote, “When my husband first walked out I was absolutely scared to death and filled with hatred and bitterness, feeling sorry for myself. After blaming and cursing God for my troubles, I threw myself on His mercy and wept my heart out. When I picked myself up and stopped feeling sorry for myself, I found God to be a loving Father who not only helped me as a single parent but helped me keep my emotions and life together. I found in Christ a strength that I had never known before.” She did and so can you!